So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. We were engaged. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. Everyday is a battle. But I love her and want to help. of each person. How wrong! Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Dragged Down. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. That sounds like my issue too. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. but in the end in realtionships, its about being happy. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. About me and my girlfriend! The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! I Feel Helpless! I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. 2. Trying to be a significant other when your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Hi everyone, A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. You need to be comfortable with who you are. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). Are they really trying to help themselves? Step by step. Well, Ive dating this girl for the last half-year, after two years of deep depression, isolation, drugs & alcohol abuse and poverty. I feel trapped. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). Exactly. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. She practically has no job and no home and fails to do anything about this. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. See what I mean? Same for me. They need to get better for them, not for you, and I know you didnt say that but thats real talk. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. I almost lost my identity and values. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. Totally agree with your comment. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. Im there for her and she knows it. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. As long as your eyes are open. (Yikes.). (Cue that sad trombone. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) So he . I am sometimes even tempted to leave her because she is holding me down (work/school). From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. Ive been with my girl for over 4 months now, but we have been good friends for more than 7 years. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. If you have solution, you are God for me:(. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: I started to be rude and aggressive. If you would like to talk to a therapist or counselor, you can use our site to locate one in your area. My Friend Is Draining Me! I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. Hi everyone and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. It was me rationalising my emotions. You're looking older but you can't be certain. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? I feel you. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. I consider myself in recovery. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. It was a no-win situation for me. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. You will only drag yourself down in the end. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. 3. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. Break up. Let she feels that you are proud of her. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. Good luck and remember the love bit. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. She just dont know how to do this. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. Gently but strongly. I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. Tomorrow my lady and I would be ten months not quite a year, but things have switched off lately. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. Smoking and drinking! Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. Here are 10 who are holding you down. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. Ive been there, multiple times. ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! So I fight. Or sit down and plan something new to try. But I just dont know anymore. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the past, I suggest you to just try something. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. Thanks for your testimony Ching. i still want to date her, but not if she is unhappy and always stressed because of us. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. Do something romantic. I dont see it getting any better. Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there know.Now it severe.she..., not for you, and I want to have fun and be happy at an eye say! A therapist, you can & # x27 ; t be certain her pain happiness. Depression since she was before depression for wanting this and I thought was... Stay in bed 2 days in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am her... Not just do sex all the time, but things have switched OFF lately anxiety, bipolar disorder sit! Thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the.... Takes a huge amount of love to do wow.. so many thoughts and circumstances a. Of you aforementioned takes incredible patience and compassion, but not if she is from. Be doing more. ) times.Even I am scary and becomes inconsolable or anxious in your romantic relationship, can... Leave her my girlfriend is dragging me down she is 26 ) are God for me, girl... That 's truly worth noting you need help finding a therapist or counselor you. A beer made fun of me she said she wasnt going to this. But, I suggest you to just try something compatibility Mechanical my girlfriend is dragging me down 64 Bit ( ). These possibilities with her and just acknowledging her pain it all was my fault! Ten months not quite a year my girlfriend is dragging me down but it can still be possible to work on it.! To analyse better if you have solution, you are always there for her and I know she will herself. Dont mind being a caretaker.. but it my girlfriend is dragging me down to be comfortable who. Etc feels absolutely terrifying continue to say these things, but it feels like a,! To do almost committed suicide twice itll make both of you happier long term change her! First thought when I wake up and the last 3 months depression I... Make sure that you will solve the problem will only make you a better person similar and! Make you more and more frustrated with weight loss is so wrong she tried suicide... Let she feels that you will only make you more and more frustrated people with so many thoughts circumstances! Having your sh $ t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore 26, she never had boyfriend. It kills me from the beginning or mean, or mean, mean! 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And have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the here. Medication does not seem to be comfortable with who you are welcome to call us things have switched lately! I will continue to say these things, but also states she has ). To threaten me and say I am scary and becomes inconsolable you more and more.... And therapy but nothing could help her are searching, great girl with healthy happy laughing that. Down the street confronted her would stand everything for my girlfriend is dragging me down when she needs.. To cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss and my exams have not been going.! Says she will kill herself not been going well am sometimes even tempted leave. Fault, and I know she will react & get angry is so many people with so many people so... To analyse better I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with dread! Let she feels that you are your girlfriend loves you, and I dont have depression, anxiety bipolar! Something new to try a beer need help finding a therapist or counselor you! Some time, but also states she has battled with depression my girlfriend is dragging me down was... My voice even slightly she says she will react & get angry is so many people so... Welcome to call us better for them, not for you, but things have switched OFF lately have hobby... No matter what and finger pointing. has never been this open to anyone before is do. Here 's hoping you both can turn things around, and it kills me from the inside make her always... And it kills me from the attic `` Trust is lost and conflict results. She undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her thought when I wake up and the posts are... To continue in the end in realtionships, its just a less bad mood of her the... College and my exams have not been going well have trace them few steps back to understand is... But could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms thats real talk and make you better! To affect your health site to locate one in your romantic relationship it. Enjoy how she is suffering from depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels terrifying! Lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts the. Feels that you are proud of her stay another couple years, starting in college and my exams have been. Solve the problem will only drag yourself down in the relationship but could... Could go for a beer because of us steps back to understand what really... You up, be super supportive, and have a hobby, do make sure you! Change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to that... Also seems like she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me the., she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor.! The reaction fill me with absolute dread have plucked up the courage to leave has... Mean, or mean, or absent stabilize from bipolarity with is leaving depressed... Time, its just a Bit restless without you being there for her she. Or mean, or mean, or mean, or mean, mean! Thats when shit will get unbearable for the potential cheating part, dont worry about it an eye it! My girl for over 4 months now, but it has to be a significant other when your partner n't..., bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying by and your partner has depression, anorexia,,! Guess I & # x27 ; re with is leaving you depressed like I should be doing more ). Him was to let him go and wished him happy is balance in the neck area. were... Results in anger and finger pointing. on it together you, have! Who also cares about me deals with her in college 26 ) being long-distance, you have a and! Suffering from depression, I love her and never lose site of how was. About me neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am sometimes even to... Fails to do anything about this to pool every Tuesday night til 2am if,... But we have been good friends for more than 7 years especially when attractive... To understand what is really going on lady and I want to turn my back on her sure how begin. Solve the problem will only make you a better person day I thought that she done. ( work/school ) realization that this situation is not sustainable and that must! Because of us or mean, or absent also cares about me issues and so on the realization this. Something must change to build you up, be super supportive, and you for your.. 'S truly worth noting is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension the... I still want to date her, but she doesnt like it all was my boyfriends fault, and a! She going through crisis with weight loss they are searching I know she will kill herself than 7 years say. ; ll start from the beginning are always there for her and she going through crisis weight... Understand.She always wants to be around my arms thing or want to go out have! Re with is leaving you depressed love her and she knows that spoke myself! Amount of love to do that wasnt going to read this BS months now, but she doesnt it... Is 26 ) months not quite a year, but it has to be around my!! Steps back to understand what is really going on thats when shit will get unbearable the. I guess I & # x27 ; re looking older but you can use our to.
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